Barefoot in the Park, 1967
Sometimes life happens and some other times other events happen that puts things into proper perspective. In my head I've romanticized the benefits of living with my boyfriend and plastered the rose colored glasses on my face. I've ignored the fact that I don't have a dishwasher, I've never lived with a boyfriend before, I have a tiny one room studio apartment, my boyfriend ONLY plays the guitar &/or video games in his spare time so I'll be giving up my TV, he has quirks as well as I do, and I've ignored the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I knew all this...It wasn't new information to me I was just in severe denial. This weekend all the cards fell onto the table and I would have lied if I didn't say to him I was scared.
I'll explain...
A very drunk birthday boy told me he loved he more than anything in the world but was afraid of living with me because in his words, "He doesn't want to fuck up what we have." In the wee hours of the morning around 4am, stone cold sober me had to cry and tell him I was scared too. We both stared at each other and both teared up. Somehow when I wiped my eyes I got sour cream in my eyes from the perigees we were eating, and Craig rushed, well stumbled into the kitchen, to grab a clean wet towel as I freaked out in the awkward stinging. He came back to me laughing hysterically and at the ridiculousness of the situation I had to laugh too. He kissed me for my silliness and we agreed we can't back out now. 2 and half years is too long not to take those next steps forward in our relationship.
Now...What to do with my apartment...
The Money Pit, 1986
My apartment is not big enough for two people. It's a fact. For some stupid reason I'm running every bad "living together" story I've ever heard in my head. But then I'm also running every good story through my head. Ironically I was talking to my friend who is getting married in April and she was is very dead set on NOT living her fiancee before they get married. I love our girl talks to death but she was no help. That situation is a whole different post...
Back on track... I thought I mostly feared becoming a Stepford wife where I'd be getting a 31 year old son instead of a boyfriend moving in, but I think with a week until the deadline I'm more afraid that he will find a quality he can't stand in me that will become a deal breaker. Or vise versa...*biting my nails*
~Just Breathe~
The Break-up, 2006
Wow, I'm stuck in my head. I know you guys must have lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend at some point so that's where ALL OF YOU wonderful readers are going to come in!
Please let me hear your "Living Together" Stories!!
Good, bad, Horrible, Awesome...Your choice.
Also, is there really a honeymoon period with something like this??
I'd love to hear...
I didn't live with my husband before marriage, but I'm sure you'll be fine! If you want to be with him, go for it! It'll be great not having to say goodbye every night. That was my favorite part of being married in the beginning!
ReplyDeleteStu and I lived together for a year in my tiny apartment before we got married. We survived it though we did find it really hard when we fought. The apartment was way too small and we both (particularly me) needed space when upset.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I believe with time things will get better. Or find a bigger apartment.
I have such conflicting opinions on this. I have had serious relationships where I did live with people and serious relationships where I did not. Honestly, I think it just depends on the relationship. The smaller apartment may be an issue (after all, a healthy relationship is one where each person has space when they need it...their own "me time"), but if it's just temporary then that can be overcome. Love conquers all :)
ReplyDeleteco-habitating is a big step. i'm speaking as a very pragmatic person: make sure you figure out finances (how much each will be contributing each month, who will be paying what bills, if it's sharing a bill, what is the split etc), house chores (who will do what), future goals (MBA in the works? need to know as this takes time away from the relationship. want to go back to school? same thing etc) and relationship wants (marriage? kids? none of the above?) before you make the big more. it sounds awful and clinical and serious but in my opinion, the conversation needs to happen. when you first move in and you're in bliss, all that stuff seems trivial. however, when time goes on and reality sets in, those things that once seemed trivial and unimportant suddenly become important. it also gets more serious with age so it's important to have the big talk before the honeymoon phase clouds your mind.
ReplyDeletea few things: don't sweat the small stuff. you both are different people therefore you will have different habits/quirks. living with someone 24/7 is totally different from spending weekends with them; when you live with someone, you see their true colors because they're now in their element and comfort zone. so pick your battles and don't sweat the small stuff. when you have that huge talk about finance, chores, life/relationship goals, you've already discussed the big-ticket items; the rest is trivial and you can relax and enjoy the ride :)
My husband and I lived together for three years before getting married. We lived in a tiiiiny Queens studio with our dog. It was good, we never had issued about living together - my husband is a big gamer, too :) I think the only thing I had to "nag" him about was the cleaning and not living like he was a bachelor - but even to this day I have to "nag" him about cleaning the bathroom once in a while but it's a good nag and we laugh about it. He's a good sport too :) He also, to this day, doesn't know where half of the stuff go in the kitchen, bathroom and in our closet but I grew to love that part about him. lol. Some things are just not worth arguing because he is so good in so many other aspects!
ReplyDelete(ps i'm super close to NYC too - i'm SO booking tonight when i talk to the beau) -- anyway when he FIRST moves in HONEYMOON period for sure! - then (for me) there's a time when each other's 'habits' will get on your nerves - then you'll talk - compromise - and then make a "new normal" - don't worry! - worst case scenario - he moves out - NO BIGGIE - it's just getting use to SHARING "your" space and making it "ours"
ReplyDeleteWe waited until we were married to live together. That was 8 years ago and we're still in the honeymoon stage!
ReplyDeleteI am a big believer of living together before marriage. You learn each other in such a whole different way. The good, the bad, the exciting, the mundane. And if you can live with that person and it goes well - it's one more sign you can spend the rest of your lives together.
ReplyDeleteIf John and I can make it work with 4 kids between the 2 of us (2 mine, 2 his) then you and Craig will be fine. Yes, we have a larger space but a lot of personalities and a lot of protective parent moments that cause the occasional fight... But we love each other so we compromise and deal with it.
ReplyDeleteBecause you two love each other a small space will work fine. In fact, I'd rather be cramped and in love than in something spacious and out of love. If anything, I think it's all extremely romantic. :) I'm happy for you!
Excited that you two are taking the next step! I have loved living with my Mr. for the last 2 years. xx. McKenna Lou
ReplyDeletewww.lynnandlou.blogspot.com
I've only lived with 2 guys - the first is my now ex-husband. The second is my current boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteMy first experience of living with a guy was bad. He freaked out, ended up texting other girls, and you would think that then I'd have been smart enough to ditch him. Instead a few years later we got married.
I'm sure you can figure out why we're now divorced.
BUT.
The second time around is SO much better. Living with Izzy is awesome. I get to spend every day with my best friend. And maybe there are bumps but we work through them together. And knowing that I get to see him every day, that I wake up to him every day and he's in bed next to me every night is amazing.
Anyway, I'm excited for you lady! Kudos on taking the next step!
It just happened for us - we would always be at one house or another anyway, and when my lease came up it was just natural to make the move. We lived in a one room flat above the bar that we both worked in - trust me that's a whole new level of chlostrophobia, but we just took one day at a time. When we decided we needed more room, we agreed how much we needed to save up to move and did it. Calm down, and enjoy every day as it comes that's my advice - you sound like you're perfect together x
ReplyDeleteA Kick At The Pantry Door
Awww! Congrats!! Can't wait to hear more "living together" stories!
ReplyDeleteI lived with my sweet boy for two months over the summer, but we're long distance so I am now living on my own again. To me, it was so nice to be able to spend so much time together and I think our relationship became much more real once we were together more and saw the good, bad, and ugly. The best part was probably his cooking. I hope you enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend moved in a year ago. I was SUPER SCARED, cause I had never lived with a boyfriend before. I was afraid we'd get sick of each other, that we'd fight all the time, that we wouldn't be able to deal with each other's quirks on a day to day basis.
ReplyDeleteBut I love it. Sure, we argue. And there are times when it's tough. But I love that we share a home and that I get to sleep next to him every night and that we tackle things together. That's what gets you through it! Plus, it's fun to have a buddy around all the time. :)
Is it possible to look for a bigger apartment? Cause a studio might drive me crazy, too . . .
Chole, love love love reading about your little life. Glad you two decided to move in together. It won't always be perfect, but then, does it have to be? Sending you hugs, and congrats!! Audrey - This Little Street
ReplyDeleteKrysten sent me by, and I couldn't help but want to tell you. Living together has been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing to ever happen to my fiance and I. The last 2.5 years have made us better. Kinder. More understanding of each other. More tolerant of our quirks. I won't lie: the first 6 months, it was a miracle if I didn't want to kill him at least once a day. It was a huge adjustment, and we had been together less than a year. But as we got to know each other, our relationship grew from just love to something far more lasting, stable, and solid. Love is pretty easy, it's all of the other stuff that is hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm rooting for you guys! I hope that it all goes well =)
I found you via Krysten as well - I lived with my boyfriend for a year after dating for over three years (have subsequently relocated for job purposes). The smallest things that he did would really irk me. A lot. Like when he left papers everywhere or threw his shoes all over the place when he got off of work. What I learned was you really have to communicate and talk to each other about even the small things (just not in a mean way). Or else, if you're like me, all those small things will just bottle up inside and then explode at a later date.
ReplyDeleteSo very glad that Krysten (Why Girls are Weird) sent me here. I'm kinda in the same boat that you are in and waiting for my bf to move in. I'm not stressing out about it; we've been together a little over a year, but my timeline is my timeline and I won't have anyone stressing me out about it (which should go for you, too... You do this when you are both COMPLETELY ready!).
ReplyDeleteI have once lived with a bf. Someone I dated for 6 years. We waited 5 years to move in together (scratch that, HE waited five years until he was ready to move in together). There was a serious immaturity there and I suffered the price for it. He didn't want a live-in gf, he wanted a mother figure and I outgrew the relationship.
The point of that story is that, we just NEVER know but I HIGHLY recommend living with someone before you get married. It's one of the greatest tests you'll ever experience in your relationship. It's clear there is so much love there with you and your bf and understanding (I also love that you can find humor in awkward situations)... I have a feeling this will go smoothly :)
Very nice blog!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you want to follow each other? Let me know!
I would love it!
www.therainstreet.blogspot.com
LOVE this post!
ReplyDeleteMe and my boyfriend JUST moved in together.
It is VERY scary but the key... COMMUNICATE!
I know that relationships are about communicating but when you share living space you have to communicate MORE. We are still getting things down but that has helped when we started talking MORE
good luck!!
http://infinitelifefitness.com
http://mscomposure.blogspot.com
Its so exciting to take this big step! I think that communication is a big deal when living together and also having your own alone time.
ReplyDeletePersonally I love living with my boyfriend, its SO much better than a roommate. Just working out the details like how bills will be paid and all of that before making the transition
-Nico
www.SatinAndSalt.com
We got married first and the first 6 months was a combination of extreme highs and extreme lows! Working out who outs the bins out and washes up and cleans is not such a thrilling experience and trying to decorate might actually end the relationship! But being free to experience living together and just enjoying the space to be a couple was great.
ReplyDeleteSince then several year and three children later we are now moving again and the whole experience is awful. packing SO much stuff, in fact we got storage from http://www.abcselfstore.co.uk/ in the end as the kids garden stuff alone is going to be half a lorry! Now we just want our own lounge and bathroom away from the kids mess.
You guys will work out very quickly if you can make this work, it sounds stupid but you have to want to live together to make it work, as soon as one of you is like, I'd rather not be here, you have trouble!
Good Luck with everything!