"Chloe, if your going to leave, please just leave. Don't look back, just go. Trust me...If we never hear from you again, we will understand perfectly. If you do it slowly it will hurt you and us more, so please just go."
That above quote was advice an old friend named Sean once told me that I wish I had listened to one day long ago. I knew my ex would never make me anymore than a just another doll to be played with off one of his shelves. I used to think I was the special doll because of all the times that we spent together. But one day I heard about a girl from Queens in a slip of the tongue and saw my ex fumble his words when his friend Sean called him out on his recent conquest that was not me. I think I grew quiet and when we were all going to go inside my feet were cemented to the ground. My car keys were digging into my palms to keep the tears at bay...and I looked at my ex standing by the door to his house. He looked at me puzzled, but then Sean, with our other friend behind him said the above words to me.
I listened to the words but my 23 year old self didn't truly hear them. I loosened my grip on my keys and instead of hitting the unlock button and getting into my car...I shrugged it off and went inside. Sean was right. I was wrong to continue the charade of denial for as long as it did. It hurt like fucking hell.
But I learned & I left. I stopped taking the calls, stopped answering the AIM messages, and ignored the gnawing at my gut quest for the closure & the answers to "Why not me"? I survived the break-up and picked myself up off the floor.
I often think about that day & what Sean said. It finally stuck when I was ready to listen...
Two months ago my best friend ended an 6 year relationship with her boyfriend who used to be her friend. I hate to say I knew it was coming but when a girl can't name 5 things she loves about her boyfriend even after 6 years...I knew there was an issue. I got a text message one night at 1:43am saying they split. I wrote about it HERE & HERE. Since then the boyfriend has moved out and my best friend has been living a single life...something she herself admits is rusty.
Tonight I found myself telling her the same words my old friend told me too long ago it seems. I don't think she heard me though... There is a gaming convention where her ex will be and all his friends in two weeks. I asked if she was going and she said, "Yeah, why not?" . I told her well, her and her boyfriend, whom is an avid gamer, are not together anymore so it might be tough for her to go so soon after the breakup. People she thought were her friends may look at her as the bad guy because she ended the relationship, her ex may ignore her completely which even in breakup status will hurt her, and she may really find out who her true friends are... I completely took off the rose colored glasses with her and she was like, "Okay. So?"
I don't know what to do with her answer so frankly I told her that I would be on call if she needed me to show up to the convention for emotional back-up. I don't know if she is trying to have a thick skin or truly thinks she can return to just being her ex-boyfriend's friend like she started out... I found out that a thanksgiving day event the group of friends had that she was always invited to with her ex was rescheduled and she was un-invited to the new one...She told me it hurt her to find out the information...But alas she still wants to go to the convention.
I'm torn. This is such a sensitive time with Valentine's Day coming up and I just don't want to see her hurt. I want to tell her not to go, but I can't force her to do anything. If her ex and her were going to remain friends he would not have moved out. I'm just out of words on this one...
How Have you Moved On in the Past? Did you cut all ties with your Exes?
Would you go to an Event where you KNEW your ex would be there less than 2 months after the break-up & act like nothing happened??