Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Living Together + Battling Self-Consciousness...

The act of being self conscious for me has always been sheer panic mode. For example, there was an incident that I will not go into specific details about on Sunday night in the condo where a plunger would be needed...If I blushed I would have been crimson times the magnitude of the sun. Oh did I mention this happened at 11:45pm on Sunday night. So Craig and I piled into the car and I'm trying to hold in my "How could this happen, I'm so embarrassed, &/or can cold weather affect pipes and things".  I did the holding back poorly and when the CVS up the road did not have a plunger, I lost it. This lil embarrassing episode that happens to EVERYONE then became a story. We had to drive 15 minutes to the only 24 hour super market in the next town to buy just a plunger in our pajamas. How does this tie into be self-conscious? Well...I now have a fear of something going wrong every time I go into the bathroom...Not good.

Upon moving in together and living together, besides our quirks, Craig and I are encountering a lot of things we are self-conscious about as individuals. Accidentally leaving underwear on the floor, everyone farts but when your lying in bed there can be issues, washing your feet after you take off your work shoes because they smell, um not realizing that you smell, quietly realizing that you haven't washed your hair in 6 days and wondering if the other person noticed, and not walking around naked at all. 

My condo is basically one big room and then a kitchen off to the side in another room and of course a bathroom. It's small. There isn't much room for privacy for either one of us but such close quarters are multiplying the intensity of our self-consciousness. Perhaps it's because we are both only children where we haven't been jaded by always having someone else sharing a bathroom or changing near us or I don't know...maybe we are just not as comfortable with ourselves as we appear to be. 

Girls Season 1, 2012 - Hannah & Adam

When two people don't live together and date it's so easy to show the best of you. Craig is now seeing me try on 4-5 outfits before our date and I can't imagine how frustrating that can be for a man who just slapped on a T-shirt and called it a day. I feel self-conscious when I don't wear a bra because I have a voluptuous chest, from harmless comments I'm extra self-conscious about my weight these days, I've had a cold and every time I blow my nose I feel weird that he might find it obnoxious, when it's that time of the month is a whole different animal and yes, the plunger incident when I didn't know how to properly use it. But this is NOT one-sided. Craig washes his feet when he comes home from work and he secretly does it, he's told me he feels self-conscious around me when he breaks out with acne, and a lot of other things but I'll keep his privacy from here. All this self-consciousness is a scary feeling of vulnerability that makes me nervous. But it really shouldn't...should it? 

Craig and I have known each other for the past three years but sometimes it honestly feels like it's the first week or month. Having these moments of insecurities is making us see a more raw side of the other person and I hope it's for the best. There has been no fights about all of this, but I thought it was an important topic to share of something I'm going through in the living together process. I've been showing him the real me and when I'm curled up reading a book and he kisses my cheek just for the hell of it I know everything is okay. =)

Nothing is perfect and one day I knew I'd have to take the make-up off...

If your living with a significant other, how do you handle your self-consciousness & insecurities around them? 
I'd love to hear!

Lena Dunham as Hannah in Girls, Season 2


  1. Fortunately, or unfortunately for me IC knew about my most vulnerable things because I had a serious reaction to the birth control pill when we first started dating. Which meant that I cried ALL THE TIME. Like seriously all the time. I think it meant that we just got much more comfortable.

    Sure there are things we are still a bit insecure about ... but I don't think that stems from living together.

  2. i really don't think we were self-conscious at all when we first moved into together...that basically went out the window on our second date when i fell asleep on his chest during a movie and DROOLED all over the front of his shirt. he didn't even wake me up and when i woke up and realized with horror at what i'd done, he laughed didn't seem put-off or disgusted by it and told me it was ok. he didn't even change his shirt so i knew that he was a keeper.

    i'm sure that everyone goes through guys are new at living together and need time to find your groove. not to worry though; as you both become more comfortable in your living space, you'll let it all hang out.

  3. Girlfriend - I need a plunger at least once a week! ;) We keep one by every toilet in the house just for me!

    Over time, the self consciousness goes away. You love each other for everything - the good, the bad, and the stinky. ;)

  4. it's definitely a transition period to live with someone and to see everything. we try to give each other privacy for the gross stuff and luckily we have a second sorta bathroom in the basement so he can hide down there haha. i think you just have to laugh about stuff because everyone is a little gross sometimes.

  5. I agree with Shannon - over time the self-consciousness fades and you grows into a wonderful level of comfort with one another.

  6. It was weird for us, after being in a long distance relationship for over two years and then living together and getting married in the space of two months it was a big leap for us. There's moments over a year on that I still feel very low about myself (i've always had very low self confidence) but living with my guy is helping it. Luckily we're really comfy with each other, we're happy in our sweat pants, me make up less lazing watching the TV, I love being able to be that comfy and nature with him.

  7. Mu husband and I moved in together after 4 months or so. For me, with him, it felt right from the beginning. Even still, I am very self-conscious about a myriad of things. When we started dating (just on eyear ago!) I was about 20 pounds, maybe 15 pounds, lighter. Me and walking around naked were best friends- I wasn't in the best shape, but I was in the best shape I had ever been in. Anyways, I guess since I used to do that all the time, as I've gained weight I don't know how to turn it off. LOL I still won't let him walk in the bathroom when I'm using and I'm still weird about him seeing me pluck my eyebrows or other random hair.

    I think some of that staying private maintains a little mystery, though.

    You guys are still finding your groove. I think it's healthy to still have a little bit of concern over the small things because it means you still value and respect the other person and that can go a long way. At the same time, it's important to realize just what doesn't matter to either of you.

    Self-consciousness sucks. It's pretty funny how something so small "turns into a story" when we're self-conscious. It's like, "when it rains, it pours."

    The eventual comfiness is the best part of a LTR. :)

  8. I love your posts cos they are so real! I think for me and my husband, we're such goofballs and laugh about everything and anything we made what seemed like awkward, embarrassing moments to "hey it's nothing" and make each other feel at ease by sharing an insecurity and then both laugh about it - not to make fun but to say.. hey we're human! He would always say "I still think you're cute" which made me not feel embarrassed too - and of course I'd say the same back. :)

  9. Haha haha!!! lurv this one, this happens to married couples too very often, i hate when my partner farts haha silly me i fart too and mine is the loudest (always pretending to act posh) selfish me, there is one habit i can never stop, which is walking naked in the house, mind you i am not that skinny girl i am curvy :), now my hubby does that too, so it takes two to tangle haha!!! i got a very silly hayfever problem its so loud when i sneeze, i tend to pretend outside but when i am in the house with him i make it so loud, i want him to take me for who i am, now his so used to me he sees it as nothing!!! You need to start letting him know your habits lol those you cant correct and those you can manage to fix, you need to be freeeeeeeeeeee.... it works that way, haha.. sometimes play dirty and lazy ''not all the time'', eat out 2 days in a week that kin of bonds you guys and cook together during weekends its amazing!!! dont try to be a perfect girlfriend some men hates this....
    kisses... great post!

  10. I used to be so self conscious when I first moved in with my now husband. But that faded rather quickly. xx. McKenna Lou
    p.s. A Michelle Chang jewelry GIVEAWAY on the blog today, check it out. Link:

  11. it's all normal - over time you will feel more confortable - it's still cute to be that way

  12. My friends and I were JUST talking about this last night! One of them was like, "Man, I have to go to the bathroom before I go home because my boyfriend's there right now." We laughed so hard, but it's true! You gotta keep the mystery alive somehow! To this day, my husband has never seen me clip my nails. He still believes I don't have to.

  13. I've been married for nearly 10 years and still have to deal with these issues. One of the things that I've done is just try to remember that if my husband did something "embarrassing" I would quickly get over it, so that same logic should work the other way. He doesn't think any less of me just like I don't think less of him. It's just life. Weird, unfortunate, and embarrassing things happen. ;-)

  14. they fade away. I had a cousin who would wake up before her new husband just to brush her teeth and hair so that when he woke up she would be naturally minty fresh. Slowly you learn that everyone burps, farts and blows their nose (even girls) and you are just okay with it..

  15. I think it probably helps that I lived with my ex for... oh gosh, 6 years. I got used to having a boy around. But I have noticed with Izzy that I don't want around naked as much anymore. I used to with D all of the time (that's probably TMI to put out there on the internet. Oh well). I guess I feel like maybe it makes things less exciting if he's ALWAYS seeing everything, ya know?

    Izzy and I both also agreed no bathroom doors open when... ya know. Again, with the ex-hubs we just ended up getting comfortable. Too comfortable. And again, with Izzy I just feel like not EVERYTHING needs to be out in the open.

    I will agree with Hena that it does fade away as time goes on.

  16. Great post -- it sounds like you're both approaching things in the best way! :)

  17. John and I are still weird about certain things like going to the bathroom within the same vicinity of each other and farting, at least while we're awake. At night, while sleeping is a given. At first we were both extremely embarrassed when it would happen and, like two brats, we would both make fun of the other the next morning. In fact, the whole immature thing might be what makes it easier to deal with (in our case). I still don't walk around naked in front of him (that's my own problem and another story for another time).

    I guess we all need to remind ourselves that everyone is human, everyone does gross stuff and everyone has insecurities. If anything, this will probably bring you and Craig closer together. :)


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