Craig and me - 9/10/10
"You don't think I'm weird now for liking this gothy pop music right?" I yelled to my boyfriend, Craig as we stood watching my favorite band play in a concert in New York City.
"Are you kidding babe? I fucking love you!" Craig yelled back. It was the first time he uttered the "L" word and for a brief second I thought I misheard. I didn't have a chance to say anything because the concert was over and the lights popped on.
Craig then remarked to me that he was dying for a cigarette. When I turned to answer him I saw my ex in the distance. I stuttered in shock. Craig immediately saw the difference in my demeanor but I knew I couldn't tell him why my smile faded. I wanted to tell Craig to stay by my side while I waited for autographs but my fear got the best of me. Craig kissed me on the cheek and left me alone staring in the distance at the real life demon with his identical name but spelled differently. I panicked and quickly moved to the band members to get the autographs.
The man that actually had let me know about the concert, the prick who was my ex, must have seen me standing there. We messed around for 4 years before this...there was no way he didn't know it was me. I cringed inwardly for the next 15 minutes hoping I wouldn't get that tap on the shoulder...and luckily it didn't come.
I got my autographs and ran away from the very man who basically made every Adele song make perfect confessional sense to me. My boyfriend Craig was outside finishing his cigarette waiting for me with a smile. I thought I was in the clear, but then I saw the last band member whose autograph I didn't have.
"Omg there's Chibi! Would you mind if I got her autograph too?" I asked Craig. He said sure and waited with me on the mini line. But then he stepped away to find a geocache (A scavenger hunt game) . I watched my boyfriend of a few months, who I thought had just said "I love you" kind of walk down the New York City street away from me...
I waited in line listening to the merriment of first timers meeting the band. I had been in their music video a while back so they knew me...One guy even asked me to take a photo for him. When I gave the kid the camera back I noticed someone had his back to me standing right next to me. If I had sneezed I would have fallen over the mess that is my ex. Once again there was NO WAY he couldn't have known it was me. My hand reached out and a poked him.
He pretended he didn't know I was there, but he was a great liar in our days. Somehow all the angst, anxiety and heartache vanished and all I saw was red. The anger of all the days & years wasted and how much I wish it was legal to pick up a brick and smash it into his face. We said our 'how are you's", mine through gritted teeth, and then he asked if I wanted to join him and his lady friends (whom neither of them were his current at the time girlfriend) on the way home...
"No Thanks. My boyfriend drove me." I answered with a chesire cat smile. In that moment I had never been more over someone in my entire life. My ex stuttered himself at my declaration and then waved half-assly goodbye. I watched happily his asshole self leave.
As my Past walked down the NYC city street, my Future walked back to me. Craig strolled down the other side of the street back to me. "Did you get the autograph baby?" He said to me, oblivious of the last few minutes. "Yeah, hun...Oh and btw, I love you too." Craig kissed me amongst the crowding fans and it all went to silence. I knew I was in love and the goodbye pushed me over the edge. I thought I was love with Craig, but in these few moments I KNEW I was in love.
There were of course other moments that made me "Know" but this was the first time 2 years ago we said it to each other. =) I never want to forget that day...
How Did You "Know" You Were In Love?
I'd love to hear...