Tuesday, June 11, 2013

52 Lists: Week 21 - List Your Favorite Songs

Uh..Me circa 2006 or 2007??
Old Myspace profile pic and yes that's a guitar hero guitar and angel wings and yeah I have no idea why I was so mad & yes I'm in my old roomate's bathroom! She had the best lighting. =P

Today I'm back on the wagon for MOOREASEAL's 52 List Project and by far this will be my favorite list. List your Favorite Songs. This is like asking me my favorite movie. I get anxious because I feel bad if I leave something out that literally changed my life. Without music I don't know how I would've gotten through some really rough days in college, some dreary days in the office, and definitely some breakups. I am utterly grateful in more ways than I can describe. 

 Someone's favorite songs are gateways to their inner souls I think. When your head involuntarily nods to the beat or when your that place over your heart cinches because the lyrics tugged on your heartstrings...you can't put up a mask and hide your love for it. It's there and it can let someone know the real you. 

Hmm...What are my favorites...

"California Dreaming" - by The Mamas & The Papas
"Don't Speak" by No Doubt
"Pin & Needles" by The Birthday Massacre
"Will you Still Love you Me Tomorrow" - The Shirelles
"Help I'm Alive" by Metric
"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains
"Satellite" by Guster
"At Last" by Etta James
"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga
"You were Meant for Me" by Jewel
"Black Sheep" by Metric
"Helena" by My Chemical Romance
"Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy
"Everything I do, I do it For you" - Bryan Adams
"Stay" by Lisa Loeb
"Lips like Morphine" - by Kill Hannah
"Peacemaker" by Green Day
"Fools Rush In" - Elvis
"Restless Heart Syndrome" by Green Day
"Time is Running Out" by Muse
"Bring me to Life" by Evanescence
"Doll Parts" by Hole
"Going Under" by Evanescence
"Violet" by Hole
"Mine" by Taylor Swift
"I'm Sorry" by Jem
"Sweet about me" - Gabriella Cilmi
"Bitch" - by Meredith Brooks
"If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow
"Looking Glass" by The Birthday Massacre
"Last Night on Earth" by Green Day
"I Would Do Anything for Love" - Meatloaf
"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
"I Got You Babe"  by Sonny & Cher
"You Don't Own Me" by Leslie Gore
"Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang
"Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia
"Take On Me" by Aha
"Not Your Fault" by AWOLNATION
"Harden my Heart" by Quarterflash
"Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benetar
"Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse
"One Headlight" by The Wallflowers
"I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for a Cutie
"I'll be There" by The Spice Girls
"Love Like Winter" by AFI
"Zombie" by The Cranberries
"Building a Mystery" by Sarah Mclachlan
"Gone Away" by The Offspring
"Let's Live for the Day" by The Grass Roots

How do you know how to stop a list that could go on forever? Each song up there is laced with a memory for me and even though some of them maybe raw as hell they are still my favorites.  =)

"Maybe you will always be just a little out of reach..." - Guster, "Satellite"

I'd love to hear...

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Penny For Thought - What Does it Feel Like?

The vows, the kiss, the party, the dancing, the wacky photo booth pictures, the wedding night, the honeymoon, & the bliss...

Well I have to ask: 
"What Does it Feel like? 
What does it feel like to be Married?" 

My reason for asking is that I recently had dinner with my best friend who just got married, almost 2 months ago and I asked her that very question. She kinda shrugged and said,

"It's kinda like a Birthday. I don't really feel different." 

I was taken aback a little bit by this response. I know the world isn't a romantic comedy every day but I imagine your supposed to feel different. She continued to say that she might really feel like she's married when her husband and her buy their first home or have their first kid. Currently when they got married she moved in with her him & they are living with her husband's grandmother but still? Shouldn't you feel it?

I also recently saw the married couple who got married in November and I asked the same question to the bride. She did the same shrug thing and said she didn't feel much different but somehow I understood it more from her because they lived together before they got married...Then she said she can't stand her husband snoring. I had to laugh.

Then there is my cousin and his wife. They've been married a little over a year and are having their first child and they feel like they've been married for 10 years. I asked Carol "What does it feel like to be married?" and to make a long 45 minute lunch short she said it's a lot of work, it's being there for one another, it's stress, it's a whole new opinion of sex aka they are having a child soon, it's love, it's planning, it's fighting, it's understanding. But then she smiled and reached out to grab my cousin's hand to which he smiled back at her and grasped her hand tight.

I wonder how I will feel after infamous dip kiss I crave so much one day. I wonder...

If your married, What does it feel like? Or have been married...

Curiosity killed the cat, and I'm definitely curious. Guilty as charged.


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Living Together: A Zippered Dress & An Ironed Suit...

This past weekend it has been 4 months since Craig and I moved into my apartment and it has been the biggest & the greatest change in my entire life. I am crazy happy that we made this decision and it has taught me so much more about love that I almost feel like I was blind before. I've read article after article about love, saying it's the "little things" that your partner does for you engenders this love and it is so much more than love notes, kisses, snuggling, gifts, etc...so much more.

This past Memorial day weekend I had a wedding to go to in Virginia for one of Craig's best friend's from high school. I had never been to Virginia & only knew some of Craig's friends so I was hyperaware of EVERYTHING. Not on defense, just hyperaware of my new surroundings. Being away from the condo, our small living quarters, I got to really see our relationship out in the world sorta speak of new people and didn't realize the visible strength after 3 years Craig and I have. 

In a rush of panic, Craig was inspecting his suit and realized it was wrinkled everywhere. I picked up the hotel ironing board in my half zippered dress and turned on the iron. Craig remarked, "I've never ironed anything...have you?" I kissed him softly and then took the wrinkled suit from his hands and ironed it into an immaculate suit ready for any photoshoot (Thank you Home Ec in 7th grade). He was shocked I knew how to iron and when I bent over to iron his last bit of pant leg, Craig took a hold of my dress's back zipper, lifting my curly hair up, and finished zipping my dress. I smiled and I guess being a bundle of emotion for a few weeks I almost wanted to cry from happiness. I held up his pants to him and he giddily put them on and kissed me. He said to me, "I knew I was supposed to meet you. I knew you were the right choice. I don't know what I would do without you, baby."

 This lil moment may not seem much, but Craig made me feel complete too. I felt the love in such simple actions. When his friend was saying his wedding vows, Craig took my hand and squeezed it and mouthed, "I love you." We slow danced to every old fashioned love song, the DJ played. I cried happy tears when the last song that played was "At last". Craig thought I was just drunk, but I honestly was crying because I was happy. I feel like at last I found true love. I totally had to fix my eye liner and mascara but it was worth it. =)

I watched the couples around me and saw so many of these little things too. The couple next to us was eating and the lady didn't even realize her napkin had fallen off her lap, her boyfriend did and picked it up and replaced it tenderly on her lap. She didn't even notice but I caught his eye and he said to me, "It's the little things huh?". He looked at his girlfriend with such love and it was beautiful. I smiled and gave him a hug because he was right. 

Craig and me - May 26th 2013 

Ironically the wedding fell on May 26th and it was also the 3 year anniversary of our first date! Three years...Wow...time does fly! =)

Until Tomorrow...

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Bundle of Emotion...

Hi Everyone, It's Chloe and somehow in the past month of May, I got lost. I got lost in my own emotion, my own head. I didn't mean to fall off the face of the blogging world, but it was hard for me to put the words down on the page. I found myself up against the wall and just broke down. I knew it was coming, I could feel it in my daily life peering over my shoulder, waiting to overcome me. I let the depression take me and I'm happy I'm pulling myself back up.

My emotions were scattered everywhere. Friends I shut the door on have been trying to get back into my life and I don't know if I can forgive and let them back. The stress of going to wedding after wedding after wedding of people who have been together less time than my relationship honestly hit me hard after my best friend got married, who met her boyfriend a month after I met my boyfriend. I know there is no race but I crumbled under pressure. My job hit a point where it got boring...awkwardly and gruelingly boring, but I'm scared to push forward and look at new things when the future is so uncertain for my boyfriend's job due to a recent merger of companies. I went to the gym day after day just seeing the scale go up and up and facing a barricade of tiredness when I tried to push harder. I feel like it's my old Epstein Bar rearing it's ugly head again. A part of your 20's-30's is seeing your loved ones grow older and there has been a lot family pulling here and there over my grandparents in Connecticut. I love them so much, but my grandmother's dementia is getting worse and my grandpa can't walk anymore. It's a part of life, but it's very hard, very hard. And finding the motivation to keep on writing my stories...

~Taking it one day at a time~  

When you fall the only place to go is back up. I bought myself a yoga mat to exercise in the mornings, I promised myself I would write a little of my stories every day, I would wait patiently for the next few months to unfold with Craig's job, and try to not compare myself to others who are living completely different lives than me. I'm getting to make cupcakes for my cousin's wife's baby shower and I can't wait to dust off the ole icing bag, I've been trying to make new friends, and thinking positively on every turn. It's working =)!

I miss my lists, I miss my living together series, and my weight loss progress...Regular scheduled programing will resume ASAP on Ergo!

 Stay Tuned! =)

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