52 Lists: Week 21 - List Your Favorite Songs

Uh..Me circa 2006 or 2007??

Old Myspace profile pic and yes that's a guitar hero guitar and angel wings and yeah I have no idea why I was so mad & yes I'm in my old roomate's bathroom! She had the best lighting. =P

Today I'm back on the wagon for MOOREASEAL's 52 List Project and by far this will be my favorite list. List your Favorite Songs. This is like asking me my favorite movie. I get anxious because I feel bad if I leave something out that literally changed my life. Without music I don't know how I would've gotten through some really rough days in college, some dreary days in the office, and definitely some breakups. I am utterly grateful in more ways than I can describe. 

 Someone's favorite songs are gateways to their inner souls I think. When your head involuntarily nods to the beat or when your that place over your heart cinches because the lyrics tugged on your heartstrings...you can't put up a mask and hide your love for it. It's there and it can let someone know the real you. 

Source - Week 21 - Favorites Song - Mooreaseal

Hmm...What are my favorites...

"California Dreaming" - by The Mamas & The Papas

"Don't Speak" by No Doubt

"Pin & Needles" by The Birthday Massacre

"Will you Still Love you Me Tomorrow" - The Shirelles

"Help I'm Alive" by Metric

"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains

"Satellite" by Guster

"At Last" by Etta James

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

"You were Meant for Me" by Jewel

"Black Sheep" by Metric

"Helena" by My Chemical Romance

"Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy

"Everything I do, I do it For you" - Bryan Adams

"Stay" by Lisa Loeb

"Lips like Morphine" - by Kill Hannah

"Peacemaker" by Green Day

"Fools Rush In" - Elvis

"Restless Heart Syndrome" by Green Day

"Time is Running Out" by Muse

"Bring me to Life" by Evanescence

"Doll Parts" by Hole

"Going Under" by Evanescence

"Violet" by Hole

"Mine" by Taylor Swift

"I'm Sorry" by Jem

"Sweet about me" - Gabriella Cilmi

"Bitch" - by Meredith Brooks

"If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow

"Looking Glass" by The Birthday Massacre

"Last Night on Earth" by Green Day

"I Would Do Anything for Love" - Meatloaf

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler

"I Got You Babe"  by Sonny & Cher

"You Don't Own Me" by Leslie Gore

"Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang

"Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

"Take On Me" by Aha

"Not Your Fault" by AWOLNATION

"Harden my Heart" by Quarterflash

"Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benetar

"Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse

"One Headlight" by The Wallflowers

"I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for a Cutie

"I'll be There" by The Spice Girls

"Love Like Winter" by AFI

"Zombie" by The Cranberries

"Building a Mystery" by Sarah Mclachlan

"Gone Away" by The Offspring

"Let's Live for the Day" by The Grass Roots

How do you know how to stop a list that could go on forever? Each song up there is laced with a memory for me and even though some of them maybe raw as hell they are still my favorites.  =)

"Maybe you will always be just a little out of reach..." - Guster, "Satellite"

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SONGS? 

I'd love to hear...

Penny For Thought - What Does it Feel Like?

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The vows, the kiss, the party, the dancing, the wacky photo booth pictures, the wedding night, the honeymoon, & the bliss...

Well I have to ask: 

"What Does it Feel like? 

What does it feel like to be Married?" 

My reason for asking is that I recently had dinner with my best friend who just got married, almost 2 months ago and I asked her that very question. She kinda shrugged and said,

"It's kinda like a Birthday. I don't really feel different." 

I was taken aback a little bit by this response. I know the world isn't a romantic comedy every day but I imagine your supposed to feel different. She continued to say that she might really feel like she's married when her husband and her buy their first home or have their first kid. Currently when they got married she moved in with her him & they are living with her husband's grandmother but still? Shouldn't you feel it?

I also recently saw the married couple who got married in November and I asked the same question to the bride. She did the same shrug thing and said she didn't feel much different but somehow I understood it more from her because they lived together before they got married...Then she said she can't stand her husband snoring. I had to laugh.

Then there is my cousin and his wife. They've been married a little over a year and are having their first child and they feel like they've been married for 10 years. I asked Carol "What does it feel like to be married?" and to make a long 45 minute lunch short she said it's a lot of work, it's being there for one another, it's stress, it's a whole new opinion of sex aka they are having a child soon, it's love, it's planning, it's fighting, it's understanding. But then she smiled and reached out to grab my cousin's hand to which he smiled back at her and grasped her hand tight.

I wonder how I will feel after infamous dip kiss I crave so much one day. I wonder...

If your married, What does it feel like? Or have been married...

Curiosity killed the cat, and I'm definitely curious. Guilty as charged.

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Living Together: A Zippered Dress & An Ironed Suit...

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This past weekend it has been 4 months since Craig and I moved into my apartment and it has been the biggest & the greatest change in my entire life. I am crazy happy that we made this decision and it has taught me so much more about love that I almost feel like I was blind before. I've read article after article about love, saying it's the "little things" that your partner does for you engenders this love and it is so much more than love notes, kisses, snuggling, gifts, etc...so much more.

This past Memorial day weekend I had a wedding to go to in Virginia for one of Craig's best friend's from high school. I had never been to Virginia & only knew some of Craig's friends so I was hyperaware of EVERYTHING. Not on defense, just hyperaware of my new surroundings. Being away from the condo, our small living quarters, I got to really see our relationship out in the world sorta speak of new people and didn't realize the visible strength after 3 years Craig and I have. 

In a rush of panic, Craig was inspecting his suit and realized it was wrinkled everywhere. I picked up the hotel ironing board in my half zippered dress and turned on the iron. Craig remarked, "I've never ironed anything...have you?" I kissed him softly and then took the wrinkled suit from his hands and ironed it into an immaculate suit ready for any photoshoot (Thank you Home Ec in 7th grade). He was shocked I knew how to iron and when I bent over to iron his last bit of pant leg, Craig took a hold of my dress's back zipper, lifting my curly hair up, and finished zipping my dress. I smiled and I guess being a bundle of emotion for a few weeks I almost wanted to cry from happiness. I held up his pants to him and he giddily put them on and kissed me. He said to me, "I knew I was supposed to meet you. I knew you were the right choice. I don't know what I would do without you, baby."

 This lil moment may not seem much, but Craig made me feel complete too. I felt the love in such simple actions. When his friend was saying his wedding vows, Craig took my hand and squeezed it and mouthed, "I love you." We slow danced to every old fashioned love song, the DJ played. I cried happy tears when the last song that played was "At last". Craig thought I was just drunk, but I honestly was crying because I was happy. I feel like at last I found true love. I totally had to fix my eye liner and mascara but it was worth it. =)

I watched the couples around me and saw so many of these little things too. The couple next to us was eating and the lady didn't even realize her napkin had fallen off her lap, her boyfriend did and picked it up and replaced it tenderly on her lap. She didn't even notice but I caught his eye and he said to me, "It's the little things huh?". He looked at his girlfriend with such love and it was beautiful. I smiled and gave him a hug because he was right. 

Craig and me - May 26th 2013 

Ironically the wedding fell on May 26th and it was also the 3 year anniversary of our first date! Three years...Wow...time does fly! =)

Until Tomorrow...

A Bundle of Emotion...

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Hi Everyone, It's Chloe and somehow in the past month of May, I got lost. I got lost in my own emotion, my own head. I didn't mean to fall off the face of the blogging world, but it was hard for me to put the words down on the page. I found myself up against the wall and just broke down. I knew it was coming, I could feel it in my daily life peering over my shoulder, waiting to overcome me. I let the depression take me and I'm happy I'm pulling myself back up.

My emotions were scattered everywhere. Friends I shut the door on have been trying to get back into my life and I don't know if I can forgive and let them back. The stress of going to wedding after wedding after wedding of people who have been together less time than my relationship honestly hit me hard after my best friend got married, who met her boyfriend a month after I met my boyfriend. I know there is no race but I crumbled under pressure. My job hit a point where it got boring...awkwardly and gruelingly boring, but I'm scared to push forward and look at new things when the future is so uncertain for my boyfriend's job due to a recent merger of companies. I went to the gym day after day just seeing the scale go up and up and facing a barricade of tiredness when I tried to push harder. I feel like it's my old Epstein Bar rearing it's ugly head again. A part of your 20's-30's is seeing your loved ones grow older and there has been a lot family pulling here and there over my grandparents in Connecticut. I love them so much, but my grandmother's dementia is getting worse and my grandpa can't walk anymore. It's a part of life, but it's very hard, very hard. And finding the motivation to keep on writing my stories...

~Taking it one day at a time~  

When you fall the only place to go is back up. I bought myself a yoga mat to exercise in the mornings, I promised myself I would write a little of my stories every day, I would wait patiently for the next few months to unfold with Craig's job, and try to not compare myself to others who are living completely different lives than me. I'm getting to make cupcakes for my cousin's wife's baby shower and I can't wait to dust off the ole icing bag, I've been trying to make new friends, and thinking positively on every turn. It's working =)!

I miss my lists, I miss my living together series, and my weight loss progress...Regular scheduled programing will resume ASAP on Ergo!

 Stay Tuned! =)

Go Green! #BEDM

Captain Planet Cartoon - Originally Aired (1990-1996) 

There are tons of posts about people saying how they wished they lived in this or that time...but frankly I'm ever so glad to have been born in 1985 because we had some SERIOUSLY AMAZING cartoons by the time I was of age to really understand what I was watching. One such show was Captain planet. You know the show with the the Planeteers that screamed "Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart" and then the blue guy with the 80's haircut showed up flying through the air? Yeah that cheesy cartoon that was always on...Well I have to thank the creators of the show for showing lil 5 year old me how important the environment is to us. Oh yes and the movie, Ferngully too. Mustn't forget Ferngully with Robin Williams as Batty & Tim Curry as the Nexus. I was just too young to understand the importance of the Batty Rap...but now I do. Oh and the Saved the by the Bell episode with the oil spill...

Ferngully, 1992

What I'm trying to say is that the environment is the most important gift that the world has given us. Without being preachy, I try to be green whenever I can and there is so many simple ways to be green that you don't even have to think about because they are so easy.

1. Do Not Buy Styrofoam Whenever You Can

- I always buy paper plates and paper cups

- I switched to Keurig so I didn't have to go to out for coffee everyday & Not have another Styrofoam cup. 

- I use re-useable mugs and glasses at work.

2. DO NOT LITTER...

- Everyday I always get a red light right at my job and it's sad to see the grass near the exit is peppered with trash. It's disgusting and so unnecessary. Wait the few more minutes until your at a trash can. Come on, you know you can wait.

3. ALWAYS Cut up the Circular Plastic Holder for a 6 pack Cans of Soda

- When I was younger this was drilled into my head every time someone mentioned being green. It's real easy. Just use a scissors. It takes you 30 seconds Tops!

4. At Work, Have a Recycle Bin & Use It! 

My container is blue...What color is yours?

5. Public Transportation

- In the summer I try to use public transportation and walk where I can. =)

6. Look for "No Animal Testing" On Labels

- There are many popular sites, for example The Body Shop, that take pride in their cruelty-free products. It's a very valuable label to have. 

7. REUSE Product Bottles when You can... 

8. USE RE-USEABLE BAGS AT THE SUPERMARKETS

- Or if you literally have 1-2 items, forego the plastic bag all together. 

Source - Recycling Around the World Article

In What Ways Do You Try To Be Green? 

Happy Mother's Day!

The Child's Bath by Mary Cassatt 

There is one person in the world that I could write an endless list of thanks to and that dear person is my  mother. She has always been my biggest fan, the shoulder to cry on, the ear to talk off for hours, the one who truly understands, and has made me who I am today. Without her help I never would have finished college or had the motivation to, I never would have went to dance classes, I would have never   learned not to give up, I would never have become such an independent and strong minded woman, and I wouldn't have had the experiences and learned the lessons that I'm trutfully grateful for. Thank you Mom for putting me first in so many ways that I don't know how I could ever give you enough thanks and love to prove how wonderful you are. I love that even at 27 you let me curl up with on the couch and you give me that hug that let's me know everything will be alright. Thank for showing me how important having my grandparents are in my life and thank you for teaching me the value of family and love. Thank you for sneaking out on Black Friday with me to get the best deals at midnight or waiting online at 4am for a computer for me in the snow a few years ago. I love that she would joke all the time when I would leave the house, call me if you need bail money, even though she knew I was just going for ice cream. I love that she threw me the most amazing graduation party from when I graduated college. I love that I can call her at any time of the night, no questions asked, and she would come get me if I needed a ride. I love that when I was sick a few years ago she never let me go to anything by myself. Not one appointment. Thank you for helping me buy my condo, my first real home by myself...I can't thank you enough. I love Mom so much. So So much. =)

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there today! 

*HUGS* 

Social Media + Travel Dream #BEDM

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 DAY 9 - Social Media...#BEDM

Well I'm a self-diagnosed obsession with Pinterest. You can check out my boards HERE. It all started w/ one board of Black & Red things and it catapulted into a daily habit that I could get lost in for hours and hours. I love it...But it's so me. I was the girl with the posters all over her bedroom walls of the cute boys from 16 & Teen Bop magazine, I had the magazine cut-outs of dresses, I had the editorial photos that took my breath away and more all nestled away in trapper keepers galore. Pinterest has saved the lil space I have left in my apartment. I can virtually pin anything I want to my wall. =)

From Pinterest has spawned one of my favorite sites for a humor pick-me-up too. Pinterest Fails. I just love them. 

Please don't hate me, but I don't fully grasp the whole Twitter idea. I use Twitter to let people know when I've exercised, when I've posted a new blog post, and then I'll tweet a news article or two that I find interesting or funny. That's it. Every time I see the 52 new tweets or 35 new tweets notification after I've only been on it for mere minutes I get overwhelmed. Mostly the "new" tweets are people replying to other people but I didn't know the original conversation so I'm like "What the hell are people talking about?" It gives me great aniexty and FOMO (Fear of missing out) when a reply to someone else is fun and interesting. Maybe I don't use it enough or need to get the hang of it. =/

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Day #10 - Travel Dream #BEDM

My travel dream is Paris, France. I wish I had Dorothy's ruby red shoes and could click my heels and be there. I'm not exactly sure where my Paris dream came from, but I have such an awe for Paris, the French language, and all trimmings. It seems like such a dream.

*Shaking my Piggy Bank* 

My best friend, Danielle and I have decided to go to Paris for our 30th birthdays. That's 2 & half years away. I think that's more than enough time to start saving up! When I break a dollar I put my change in my piggy bank, when I find loose change which somehow I ALWAYS do I put in there, and when I return my water bottles & soda bottles to the super market I've been asking for coins so it can start adding up.

 I'm hoping this Paris truly becomes a reality. I'm really hoping! =)

Another Reason to LOVE Pinterest - {Pin}

This post is part of the #Blog Every Day in May challenge from Rosalilum! =)

My First Job - #BEDM

Piano scene in the movie, Big, 1988

I love when people ask me this question! Today's entry in #Blog Every Day in May from Rosalilium is to Tell about your First Job. To this day it has still been my favorite job. When I was 14 I worked at a toy store called The Toy Box in my  town that was designed to bring FAO Schwartz to a small town in the New York suburbs. With movies like Big and Home Alone 2 playing on repeat when I was younger, I used to pass the toy store in the town stating that I would one day work there. The school year after I turned 14 in August I marched my lil self into my school's office and got my working papers. Within that week I had a job. =)

I was too young to work the registers, so I was always on the sales floor. It was a dream to give lil kids Thomas the tank engine toys, American Girl doll clothes, Madame Alexander dolls, Toy Story 2 dolls,  and lil doll house kits that once a lil girl saw them they had to have them. I learned so much about people's body language  back then and honestly I still use those skills to read people. If a father came in with his hands in his pockets he was NOT going to buy anything. When a woman came in and let the kids roam free with her wallet in her hand, money was no question, and the kid could have whatever they retrieved. 

I even remember a lil girl once stole a lil stuffed animal kitten. I saw her stick in her coat after her mother had told her no toy today because it was near her birthday and she admitted to me that she was feeling out what toys her daughter went to and would be back. Little 14 year old me felt like such a bitch to tell my boss that they lil girl stuffed the lil toy into her coat. But I did. The mother turned so red she almost walked right out of the store, but the lil girl actually went up to her mother and confessed. It was awesome!

The toy store is actually still open and I always smile when I pass it by. It was fun, ever so much fun to work there! =)

What Was Your First Job? 

I'd love to hear! =)

Pets - #BEDM

Cuteness Overload - {Pin}

I remember getting my junior year high school creative writing paper back and literally saying WTF quietly in my head. There was a D written in bold Red "Error" marker and a little note under it. "Please re-read the assignment's question and come see me after class." I'm going to try not to gloat but I had never gotten a D before in my life, especially in writing. In high school I was very proud and confident about my hard-earned grades. A big "D" made me eyes see only red. 

The assignment, I remember so vividly because I was so mad, was "Write about your favorite experience with your pet." I perfectly understood the assignment, but the thing was that at 16 I had never had a pet before. Somehow I just missed it. My aunt had a cat so I would play with hers, my friends all had doggies so I would play with them, and I didn't really give it a second thought. I wound up writing about my mother's experience with her cat because I couldn't draw on a personal experience of my own pet. 

After class I went to my teacher and she seemed very confused of my story choice. "Chloe, is everything alright? This is not like you to not answer the assignment question etc.." I told her I never had a pet and she was shocked. She couldn't believe it. Well being that I was 16 years old at the time I told her to speak to my mother and ask her if I had ever had a pet. 

Long story short...my paper got upgraded to a B after the incident. I was 16 and had never had a pet and I don't think it was a crime at all. 

Truthfully, I didn't get a pet until 3 months ago...

Craig and Angel

She has such crystal blue eyes. 

I don't regret not having a pet all these years, but I never thought I could feel such love from a lil adorable animal. When I wake up and she is all curled next to me, my heart melts. When I see her put her paw on Craig in the middle of the night or lick his hair like he's one of her kittens it's so unbelievably cute that I seriously have to hold in the gigantic Aww! 

A lil video of Angel baby...that's are lil pet name for her. =)

I leave her every morning like this...She's my adorable lil kitty in the window!

As you can tell I'm a cat person...

Do You Have Pets? 

I'd love to hear about them!! =)

Linking up with Rosalilium for #BEDM

READERS: Oh and please forgive my lack of commenting this week & last. My job blocked blogger & bloglovin so I'm scrambling on a way to read my favorite blogs at lunch time and have barely had a free moment to post. I'll be back to normal by next week! Love you all so much! 

Living Together + Big Decisions...

Whitney TV show, 2013

When opportunity knocks you have to take it...Right? Well it's not that easy when your currently living with your boyfriend and the big decision affects not one but both of you. 

My condo that my boyfriend and I currently live in is a studio. One big room that has it's good days and it's bad days. There is a separate kitchen room, but not enough closet space right now for both of us. It's a tight fit, but we are making it work. It's hard to fight because there is no where to escape to and we both have to put the TV on when the other is in the bathroom so we don't hear "noises". The experience has truthfully brought us closer together in ways I didn't think possible too. But how long can we stay in this small studio apartment? How long can we make "due" with what we have? 

This past week an opportunity has come up that could change everything. A townhouse that does have green carpeting that would have to go could be up on the market with an advantage that Craig and I knew the previous owners. In a dream world they would say, "Okay we'll sell you this one bedroom two floor townhouse, with a deck, a dishwasher, a washer & dryer, AND 1 1/2 bathrooms for a $100,000." In reality we have no idea what the price would be just yet...but I don't know how to even start the thinking about something like this...This is Big...Real Life Changing Big....

I personally own my lil studio and it was hell getting a mortgage and all the real estate crap that requires you to get a lawyer. I know the nitty gritty dance that needs to happen in order to get a new home. But besides that there is a lot to figure in...questions like "marriage", "savings accounts", & "Future kids". I say future kids because there is only one bedroom... Oh yeah and commute! My commute would have an additional 20 minutes tacked onto it's already half hour drive. Craig's would be cut down by 10 minutes or so. Hmm...it seems those are some of the negatives to moving into a bigger place...

Like always I think I of the negatives first. I'm working on this lil habit of mine, but I have to look at the possible positives too. I wouldn't have to listen to a zombie fighting game constantly, our kitchen would not be in ear shot or smell shot, we wouldn't have to go outside to do our laundry, we'd have a dishwasher, we'd be able to entertain more people, have a dining room, and I guess the biggest positive of all would be to not be stepping all over each other. But we have to find out first and foremost how much the unit would cost...so I have a lil time to calm my nerves. 

I can't remember the last time I had to make such a large decision that impacted so much. I'm definitely going to need a lil help here...

How Do You & Your Significant Other Make Big Decisions? 

I'd love to hear...

Fit & Health...#Blog Every Day in May

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Ever since I started this blog I've made a strive and a goal to become fit and healthy. I've been to going to the gym, doing crunches, resisting the pretzels & popcorn, and fitting into more clothing that has been hanging dormant in my closet for far too long. But throughout this journey I'm learning that there is so much more to being fit and healthy that have nothing to do with exercise and eating right...it has to do with you, and how do you feel and what do you need to be healthy... I'll explain.

It's hard to wake up and know exactly what you need for the day. I scurry around my house for an hour  every morning to try to collect myself...but let's go deeper then what we show the world on the outside. Like I mentioned in this post here, I was not always the healthiest of people once upon a nightmare. Life changes came out of nowhere and I was forced to make decisions for my health & well being. Ever since then I've had to look outside the box & take a look at my life almost from an outsider point of view to get the real picture. 

At those hard times a few years ago I realized I was in love w/ a man who could never love me back who oozed toxicity, I had shitty friends who could barely give me the time of day when I was sick, and I was in a dead-end job that was depressing the hell out of me. I knew something had to change. In order to be healthy I needed to change. Healthy is more than just your waist size, it's your life. I was not happy and was drowning in my current situations. I did happen to wake up one morning though and vowed to change my current everything. It was the best decision I've ever made. 

You need to have encouraging friends that will hear you rant and give you POSITIVE feedback, you need a significant other in your life that will bring out the best in you not chastise you for the worse, & you need a job or career that makes you a better person. Life is not perfect and you have to make your own decisions on what's right for you and making those decisions are the most important! 

Today I went to a local 3.5 mile lake to meet up with a bunch of gal pals and a bunch of new girls that I hope to become friends with in the future. I've been going to these meet-ups for quite some time and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I've met people that I knew I'd never get to meet by chance and have opened my horizons to meet people who are in my same frame of life so it's incredibly awesome to relate. This meetup killed two birds with one stone too because all 7 of us went for a walk around the entire lake after the picnic! =) I can't wait for the next meetup. 

I keep saying that life is a process and it seriously is. Becoming healthy in all facets of your life is a process too. One you have to keep working at to see results. But trust me, sitting around positive people and coming home to a positive enforcing man playing a zombie game is the best feeling ever. =) 

What Do You Need to be Healthy? 

I'd love to hear...

Five Favorite Blogs...

Giovanni Boldini, La Cantante Mondana, 1884

When people ask me my favorite anything I spaz out. For example Craig and I's first few dates, 3 years ago, lasted hours and hours of countless conversations because I could barely stick to my favorite ice cream flavor. I just love too many things. I just love that painting up there too. Today it's my favorite. I've always said I was an old soul...I wonder if that's why I love older paintings so much?!?

Anywho, naming my favorite blogs and narrowing it down to five is a daunting task for me. Have you seen my Bloglovin? I follow a lot of blogs and it's hard to keep up! But I do have my favorities....I have a MUST READ category and I am always a lil bit sad that I have wait until tomorrow or the next day to see the que fill up again! 

It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to pick 5 favorite blogs...I've been thinking about this all day and no...it's unfair for me to only list 5 blogs. I've gotten too much joy, excitement, and learned too much from over amazing people! I can't pick 5...but I'll do 15...Hey that's 5 times 3...it still works! =)

Why Girls Are Weird

Sitting in a Tree

Dancing Branflakes

Young Heart

Vodka and Soda

How Sweet It Is

Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer

Our Life on the [Big] Screen

Noor's Place

Elephantine

Maiedae

Freutcake

The Soho

Design Love Fest

With C.H.

Okay I know that's 15 but I have to add one more that gives me those 1pm smiles everyday. =)

Itty Bitty Kitty Commitee

I feel like I've left some of my favorites out. This is hard...Please take a look at my Bloglovin and who I'm following because there are so many favorites so many wonderful people that have made my life a lil bit better each day and I've learned from them lessons that I wish somehow I could give back to them  and say thank you. Blogging has made me realize that I'm not alone in the world...even if I don't have friends that are going through similar situations as me, I know someone out there in the blogging community is and it's so refreshing and I am eternally grateful! =)

What are Some of Your Favorite Blogs? 

This post is part of "Blog Every Day in May" series from Rosalilium.

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A Day in the Life...

In Rosalilium's Blog Every Day in May Post Challenge, today's meme is A Day in the Life....Well...

When I was younger, I was obsessed with the Indiana Jones movies. Harrison Ford was my biggest celebrity crush before Jonathan Taylor Thomas hit 13 & sorta took over everything. I thought it was the coolest thing that Indiana Jones was a professor by day and an explorer who finds hidden arks & battles  weird bald guys on a drawbridge for bread stones. So I wanted to grow up to be a professor & then explore the wonders of the world...Also the TV shows Hercules and Xena was on the WB 11 when I was younger and that just confused younger me all to hell about when all this was actually taking place. hehe. Oh yeah and then the TV Show Land of the Lost w/ the dad & kids falling through a time warp to dinosaur land just fucked it all up even worse. 

But anywho...Um yeah I wind up being a marketing analyst by day and a blogger/writer by night. I don't really take outfit photos as you can see up there, I work in an VERY casual setting. It's comfortable but I think it makes me get bored more easily. If I was in a blazer or a skirt I feel like I would take myself more seriously. Maybe...

This is my cubicle and yes I have a MILLION yellow post-its that I put on everything. Somehow I do have order in the chaos...some days. Every time I sit at my desk I think about that scene in Office Space where Ron Livingston pulls out the pins of his wall and it falls down. Oh I wish I could that one day! 

I'd give anything for a window. =) 

Then I stare at the clock and wait for it to move to 5pm...Why are you not going faster time!!

When it turns to five I'm a whole new me. I have this lil kitty cat greeting me hello to which is awesome!

Then I have this man serenading me...

That pretty much sums up me! I'm a very lucky girl to have a wonderful man, a job, and go home to my lil family! =) 

What Are You By Day and By Night? =)

Spring is Here!

Source - Bri from the blog, DESIGNLOVEFEST

Oh Spring...you naughty trickster that you are! You have toyed with lower New York for the past month or so and I just don't know what to do with you! One day you bring warm gorgeous sit out in the sun weather...other days you are bringing rain and cold temperatures all day long! But I think finally you are evening out and it makes my heart go bitter patter for the days to come. 

My boyfriend Craig, my best friend Danielle, and I all suffer from severe seasonal effectiveness disorder. We are literally not ourselves during the wintery months. The spring brings us back...makes us come alive again. I'm feeling the desire to WANT to take long walks at my lunch hour, I WANT to sit outside at a local restaurant, and I can't wait to have a picnic this Sunday with a few of my gal pals at Rockland Lake. It's an incredible feeling.

There is so much more though that Spring means to me...

~ It's longer days of sunshine ~ 

~ It's times at the beach collecting precious seashells ~ 

~ It's people watching & seeing all the people emerge from the wintery slumber ~ 

~ It's carnivals popping up all over my county w/ cotton candy galore & Gravitons! ~

~ It's ice cream dates to Temptations creamery in my hometown ~

~ It's taking a power walk at lunch and catching that beautiful aroma whiff of fresh flowers ~

~ It's weirdly hearing a chirping bird at midnight from my back window ~ 

~ It's cute dresses that I can't wait to wear ~ 

~ It's going to Six Flags Great Adventure and riding all the rides ~ 

~ It's that beautiful day when it actually gets hot and then a sudden rain shower cools down the air ~ 

~ If I actually get a bike it will be bike ridding too! ~
~ Finally eating a nice juicy mango ~
~ Having a hot dog and a hot pretzel at a baseball game!  ~ 

I just find that I'm happier in the Spring...It's a wonderful feeling! =)

What Does Spring Mean to You?

What Have You Done So Far to Celebrate Spring? 

Linking up for #BEDM w/ Rosalilium

Source

I'm Just a Girl in the World...

Thank goodness for that flat iron!! =)

May 1st...you sneaky devil popped up out of nowhere. It was so weird to tear off April's page on my desk calendar and see the possibilities of a clean slate for May! Part of this clean slate is a challenge that  will take place here for the next 31 days! I'm joining up with a Elizabeth @ Rosalilium and a whole bunch of other amazing bloggers to take part in "Blog Every Day in May" Challenge. It seems daunting, but I think I can stick to it! It also will let you wonderful readers learn a lil more about the real me! =)

Oh and btw, I have big plans for June...BIG plans! I also will still be doing my "Living Together" Series and take part in the weekly lists from Mooreaseal. 

Well here goes nothing:

~ May 1st ~ 

 5 Lines About Me

"I'm just a girl in the world..."

- Lyrics from "Just a girl" by No Doubt

"And all I wanted was the simple things...A simple kind of life" 

- Lyrics from"Simple kind of Life" by No Doubt

“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” 

- Quote from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol

"I like you, just as you are..."

- Quote from Bridget Jones Diary, the movie

"All of these lines across my face, tell you the story of who I am..." 

- Lyrics from "The Story" by Brandi Carlile

I know this list of lines about me may seem vague and random but that is me. I speak in song lyrics & movie quotes. I'm a just a 27 year old New York girl who wants a simple life that can't turn back & who fell in love with a man just as he is. =)

Another 5 things About me:

1.) I'm halfway through Silver Linings Playbook...I love this movie! So much passion and energy. 

2.) The Great Gatsby - I am so excited to see this in 2 weeks! Please let it be good!!

3.) Craig and I purchased a Cuisinart Griddler & it was the best purchase! We made delicious burgers  that cooked deliciously well done in less than 10 minutes.

4.) Brandi Carlile - I can't stop listening to her song "The Story". It's beautiful!

5.) I just love Craig's cat Angel. My new favorite thing is waking up to her all snuggled with me. She apparently loves kitty cat animal crackers too! =)

What's Five Things About You? 

I'd love to hear!

Letting Go of the Fear...

2008

I wish I remembered how I finally got the courage to tell my mother that I needed to go to the doctor to get my breasts checked because there were two large lumps growing on the right side of my right breast. I guess the combination of fear, anxiety, extreme exhaustion/insomnia & Epstein Bar can cause memory loss. All I remember is being with my mess of an ex fuck buddy friend at a car convention in western P.A. when I guided his hand to the side of my breast and told him to push in. His large brown eyes bugged out and he actually freaked out because he never "noticed the abnormality" while you know we were "together" *cough cough*. I remember crying to my best friend Danielle in 2004 that I had felt a knot in my breast and I was too scared to go the doctor just in case it was "something". 

When I finally mustered the courage to tell my Ob-gyn, who actually was my mom's doctor & delivered me as a baby (very weird btw), and I never forget his sigh and how his santa clause-ish laughs ceased. He scheduled me for a sonogram and I have never had more discrete men and women basically feel me up. At no point was I embarrassed...they were all very kind and helpful. Eventually when I got to my surgeon, whose first name was actually Faith, I burst into tears before she could examine me. She kept her doctor demeanor, but gave me a hug I so desperately needed. After a small biopsy, which I literally felt like Neo in the first Matrix movie when trinity put that machine on him to get out that squiggly bug out that Mr. Smith put in his belly button, I found out that I had Fibroids. Fibroids that were slowly disappearing, but were too large so there was an apprehension that within the holes created by them, a possible malignant tumor could form. 

Fibroids...are non-cancerous tumors that are caused by hormone imbalances. I was swamped with relief but the whole process was a mental hurdle I never thought I'd have to go through in my early 20's. I was 23. At 27, I have a faded line where the surgeon delicately removed the two nodules that were also luckily not attached to any breast tissue and sort of just popped out. If I hadn't told my boyfriend, he told me he never would have known. At 24 I had to remove another small fibroid from the same breast and that half moon is a lil more visible to this day....

2009

I will never and can never forget the pain that I was in one Friday night after work. I had a shooting pain in my lower back that had my crawling on the floor of my parent's bathroom in gasping clueless agony. I knew I wasn't pregnant and it wasn't my time of the month so I was at a loss for words & ideas. I was a sweaty ball of disaster for 24 hours, only getting a small amount of relief when a stupid doctor, who couldn't pinpoint what the problem was, gave me a shot of pain medication and viccodin for possible severe menstrual cramps. The pain radiating from my ride side was so horrible but not low enough to be a appendicitis. 

The doctor missed that I was having a gallbladder attack. 

In his defense, my blood wasn't showing the usual signs of a burst or bad gall bladder because it had apparently not been working for quite some time and the gall stones filling my gall bladder were lodged in my bile ducts so where he pressed there was no pain. He wasn't pressing in the right spot to ignite the pain to the surface.

Once again I can't remember how it was finally determined that my gall bladder was in fact not working & when I finally had it removed, another surgery, the surgeon speculated it was probably not working for a year. I have to ask my mom about it, because I really am blanking on it. I'm staring down at my 5 lil slit scars on my tummy, so I know it all happened, but I can't remember who figured it out. I remember getting up on the surgeon's table but not how we finally figured it out. 

May 1st, 2013

For the past almost 3 years I haven't had more fibroids or other odd surgeries that people gasp about for my age.  But I think the scars are holding me back in more than ways than one. I'm not scared to show my gallbladder surgery scars to my boyfriend or  even my breast scars...they just look like I got scratched by cat...but I'm scared to push the envelope when working out & exercising. I've banished myself to the treadmill & bike because they are "safe" for me but I am missing out.  I know my stomach is isn't going to fall out or a wound isn't going to open but I have held back for a long long time at the gym claiming it's only been a few years...no more thinking what if I'm not healed all the way? It's been 4 years since the first surgery and I think it's time to not be afraid anymore. I think it's time to use the torso rotation machine and not make an excuse of why it may hurt me...I think it's time to use the arm work-out machines and not think oh it might hurt my breasts. It's time to let go of the clutch that I don't have anymore or need anymore. It's time to be a healthy & positive me that lives with no fear. 

Dieting & exercising is a process...a process I'm learning you need to be honest with yourself about your true goals and true weaknesses. One day at a time I know I can do it. 

On your Fitness Journey, What are some Fears & Weaknesses you've had to Overcome? 

I'd love to hear...

Lil Victories... The Defeat of Popcorn, Pretzels, & Donuts

{Pin}

Today at 3:51pm

We heard the determined footsteps right before we saw the head of accounting sniffing the air in the middle of our cubicle block. He peered into my cubicle, the girl's one diagonal from me, my bosses one, and even the empty one that completes the cube. 

"What's up Roger? You lose something?" my boss asked. 

Roger scratched his head in wonderment. "Did any of you make popcorn? The accounting side smells so bad of it, yet I can't find out where the hell it's coming from." 

I sniffed the air and there wasn't a trace of popcorn smell. Roger, defeated, left our cubicle block & we heard his still audible footsteps march to the next block to inquire there. 

Well...the word got out that the head of accounting was in need of popcorn. My boss sent out the mass email that they will be indeed making popcorn from the carnival popcorn machine that even after two years of working there I still can't get a straight answer on why it was bought. Nevertheless, the herd of hungry people rushed in to hear the pop pop and get that warm bowl of buttery goodness. 

I now smelled the intoxicating aroma wafting onto our side of the building from the kitchen and continued to sit patiently in my chair for my 5pm exit. Yup! I didn't go for the popcorn and instead had a bowl of very delicious & crunchy carrots that made me smile to myself at my lil "Eating Good Today" victory.  =)

Today at ALL THROUGH THE DAY

I hear a small swivel of a rolling chair on the plastic mat diagonally from my desk, followed by the telltale (I hate when erotic novels use this word, but here it fits) sound of a lid turning swiftly open, & then hear the rummaging fingers claim a peanut butter filled pretzel or a pretzel rod from the two pretzel jars on our lil blue table in the middle of the cubicle block. If it's my boss I hear the crunching on the other side of the wall...if it's my co-worker I am pleased that there is just enough distance to mute the chewing sound. 

Meanwhile I don't skip a beat on my spreadsheets. The sounds are heard but happily there is no swivel of my chair to mimic their motions I hear constantly throughout the day. I never thought I'd be able to resist free delicious sourdough pretzels...but I am gleefully smiling at the realization that it is not a weakness of mine! =) For my willing resistance this definitely counts as a mini victory. 

Today at 7:58am

As I finally put on the last dash of eyeshadow I gasped at the time. "Fuck" I said out aloud and the two kitties I now own as of yesterday looked at me like I was nuts. I went to pet one of them and slowly but surely the Pop 'em donut box left open by Craig, who left the house 20 minutes ago, came into my sight. I have to have breakfast, I thought and I have to put my hands on that dreaded box because somehow Craig doesn't get it that if you leave the box open they will be stale in a day. Three pop'ems is a serving and it's too late now to go to the super market and be at work by 8:30am....

I sighed and picked up that white & blue box to put it in the bag. I wrestled with the thought of grabbing just one, only one... I closed the box and a puff of that sugary tempting smell assaulted my nostrils. Yes, assaulted. As I glanced over to the clock I noticed a small lil coupon I had clipped right before the wedding for a $1 off of  (2) Quaker Real Medley oatmeal containers that I love so much. Thank goodness for the coupon. I snatched up the coupon, chucked the pop'em box on the fridge in a bag and ran for my dear diet's life out the door. 

It was a struggle, but still a victory. 

________________________________________________________

This week I've decided to celebrate mini victories in my diet and not be so hard on myself. I found the willpower to go to the gym everyday last week, even if it was just to walk for a mile on the treadmill. I hope to continue the stride and find that mental determination. The key is that I tried and was more active. It was a big victory to me that made that scale needle go left. Finally. =)

What's your Fitness/Diet Goal this Week? 

Have you celebrated any Mini Victories lately? 

Scene from the movie Fever Pitch, 2005