Chicken Soup for The Soul: Mini Goals

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"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad..."

- "If it makes you happy" Sheryl Crow

Does anyone remember those chicken soup books that were supposed to make you lighten your soul? I was cleaning my closet for a Verizon installation and found two of them. Out of all the hoopla over them about 10 years ago, I don't think I ever read them in their entirety. But! They've inspired me, along with the blogging world, to find things that make me happy in my everyday life. There are so many things that make me truly happy and smile & with this polar vortex?!? I could really use some chicken soup to warm up my lil soul!

~My Mini Goals~

~Read more...Oh & not ONLY smutty erotic novels too. Maybe some classics! But I have to first read Doctor Sleep, by Stephen King. I'm number 27 on the Library waiting list!! ~

~Write love notes. I know I can leave a lil thing on Craig's facebook wall, but it's not the same. I miss those lil notes of  years ago of "Do you like me? Circle yes or no?" or the notes "You look pretty today." I don't think I've ever gotten a love letter/note. Maybe the days I get Craig's lunch together, by my choice, if we have leftovers from the previous night's dinner I'll stick a lil love note in there. Perhaps he'll send one back...hehe. =P ~

~Go to the movies. There is something about going to a morning matinee, sneaking in a yummy breakfast in my big purse and sitting back to relax & enjoy. My great grandmother Lena used to go to the movies all the time in the 1920's & 1930's...I think I got the movie bug from her!!~

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~Learn how to play the Ukelele. Yes, the ukelele. For months Craig has dragged me to Guitar center in his buying a new bass guitar process and every time without fail I would go play with the ukeleles. This Christmas, he got me one of my very own!! I have to get an book for beginners but I have to learn. It's such a pretty sound!~

~Drink & try more new teas. I actually love tea. Give me a good chai tea and I'm happy. There is a lil tea cafe in Sleepy Hollow, NY (Yes, it's a real place) by me and every chance I get I stop in for a cup. I have to make it there more often. ~

~Somehow & Someway get a lil flower plant and protect it from cats, weather, and other very likely formidable things to happen.  This one is going to be tricky but I have to try. I love fresh flowers, but this year I'm trying to really save money for life events, so one lil plant would be lovely. ~

~Oh and one more thing...Bake more cupcakes! There is nothing that warms my soul more than people loving my cupcakes. I actually am making some roses for a friend's going away party in 2 weeks and I can't wait! 

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What are your mini goals to warm your soul this year? 

I'd love to hear!

Monday Check-Ins: A Much Needed Journey Long Overdue

Starting Weight as of January 6th, 2014: 

~191.0 lbs~

In the past year, ever since early November 2012 I've been slowly gaining/losing/gaining/gaining weight. I'm 28 years old, 5 foot 5, 38 D cup, and used to always teeter around a healthy 160-170 pounds for my body type. I'm not a petite woman, never have been, and I used to be very proud of my naturally curvy, big boned, big breasted body. Somewhere along the trips to the gym, the walking at lunch, the eating salads, no fast food (I'm not kidding, I hardly eat it), and having the willpower to try for 10,000 steps a day...my body just lost the fight. It raised it's white flag and started distributed anything I ate to parts of my body it NEVER used to go. It stopped giving me the energy to go on, setting severe fatigue in, and attacking my emotional psyche in the process. Something is off...very off.

Step #1: Today, minus a $50 co-pay later, I gave 8 vials of blood to a specialist to check out my body. I had gone to my primary doctor and due to a positive ANA test (I'm still not quite sure what that means), he suggested I get further blood work done to further the research my body in case I have an underlying condition that has gone unnoticed. This process is my step #1. 

However after 3 hours of waiting around due to that I was a new patient, my little gears in my brain started turning after a question the specialist asked me...

"So you've gained approximately 30 pounds in the past year. Well, what has changed in the last year of life?" 

The flood gates of my mind starting spewing a montage of all the events and feelings that have surpassed me in the past year and a little light bulb went on in my head. Moving in with Craig, my best friend's wedding and the stress that ensues, two more weddings last year, my work-out buddy leaving me alone to work out only with her sister, my job getting more stressful, my family situations I have no control with boiling over, my patience & stress levels rising and disintegrating at the same time, what appears to be chronic fatigue setting up camp in my body, loss of friendships, penny pinching over the rising gas prices making me conserve my car more, not working out in the morning or night with Craig living in the same room with me, and my doctor hated to say this she told me, but just getting older is a factor that can literally fuck up your weight and ability to lose weight. 

I told the specialist a brief summary of the above and more and when I said "Oh these are excuses", she very nicely stated, "No...these are factors that when recognized can be worked on and resolved." I smiled and she continued to say "Don't worry, this is just Day 1. It's going to be okay." I was shocked at how nice she was and how acknowledging outside factors were to all of this...

So now...It is my Day #1.  Day #1 to pull my life together and really see what I'm capable of doing here on out. I love that tomorrow is a brand new day for this journey...A brand spanking new day. 

I've decided to not make this a resolution, but a goal and a journey for 2014. 

If you've made getting healthy and losing weight your resolution...What have you changed so far to help in the process? 

I'd love to hear!

The Big Bang Theory, TV Show

Stolen Moments Sunday...

Source - DIY Vinyl Butterflies

Life can be summarized as a sea of moments. But then there are some stolen moments that stand out in your memory and warm your heart for a little bit longer than the rest. Every Sunday I plan to point out those stolen moments I don't ever want to forget. 

~Laughing and enjoying ourselves at a double date Craig & I had with another couple. We went bowling, something I haven't done in years and it was ever so much fun! I scored only an 81 but it was so worth it! hehe ~

~Nighttime snuggling. Ironically ever since Craig & I moved in together we don't snuggle as much we used to. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I feel asleep in his arms and it was wonderful. ~

~MAJOR CRISIS AVERTED! Long story short...Craig dropped a bottle of water on his Mac computer keyboard on Thursday night. He immediately shut it off, turned it upside down, and removed the battery. Sunday afternoon after a few days to dry it out, the computer Thank God turned on. Whew!! It couldn't have been bad...very bad!

~Falling in love with the Goo Goo Dolls new song, "Come to Me". The lyrics & video are beautiful! I love that Craig tried to play it on his guitar for me too.~

~ All through the past few months Craig has been hinting that a certain question will be coming one day soon. Yes, the "M" word question. I think he thought I had my head phones on, but while he was talking to his best friend I overheard him say something in Spanish about March & some point this year.  Craig's best friend is from Ecuador so when he wants to say something personal they will go in and out of Spanish. It certainly is very interesting! *Here's hoping!*

What Were Your Stolen Moments this Weekend?

This just cracked me up! =)

Paris! One Step Closer!!

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"Just remember when a dream appears, you belong to me."

-"You Belong to me" - 1952 song

On this blistery, cold, snowy Friday in south eastern New York state I worked from home and remembered a promise I made to myself last April. Well, I accidentally kicked over the big Poland Spring water gallon jug I had been placing all my extra coins in since last April and it jogged my memory. A trip to Paris, France!  I promised myself that my best friend and I will go to Paris for our 30th's birthdays and I'm still on my way to fulfilling that promise!

Slowly but surely I've been dropping all my spare change into a tiny Old Navy Halloween piggie bank and then dumping it into the Poland spring bottle...Well I was quite surprised how much it came too without really trying. 

In 8 months, I absentmindedly saved $215!! I was barely trying and I couldn't be happier with the lil chunk of change I have to somehow stash away from myself so I don't spend it. I know I can't go to Paris on $200 from New York but it's a step closer to having at least spending money when I'm there! 

At least a year and half left until I go...I know I can add to that lil total! I can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower, go to Louvre, visit the lil pastry shops, visit Notre Damme, visit Ahh there is going to be wayy too much too see!! I can't wait!!

Have a great weekend! I'm going to dream of Paris...*Dreaming*

Miss Chloe, How Are You Today?

Edward Scissorhands, 1990

"It's too cold outside for angels to fly..."

- Ed Sheeran "The A Team"

Once upon a past job, I used to have a boss ask me time and time again "Miss Chloe, How are you today?" with an opera-ish boom to his voice. I'd mumble "Good and you?" like a textbook answer on English conversation. I was in an office of 5 men and me. There was NO Way I'd tell him the real answer. At my current job I still can't be honest when asked this casual question...so I'll leave my honesty for here. 

I'm not a stranger to anxiety but at some point last year I became an anxious ball of nerves. Every aspect of my life was gnawing at me and pulling all directions. My relationship, my job, my expenses, my no-longer cupcake class, my family, my disappearing friendships, and a few other tidbits here and there. I felt like I became a zombie, trapped in my head, and terminally stuck in auto-pilot mode. Even my dreams at night were sucking the life out of me. 

Six months later, I've learned the power of asking for help from people in my life and being open to accepting the much needed help, but I still feel the pulls of stress every now and again and honestly again. 

Today was one of those days...AND there was no banging on the coffee maker for a morning cup of coffee...(Remember this post?) Yes, I woke up from a startling nightmare to discover my Keurig coffee maker of 3 years surrendered to the banging pressure. It wouldn't even turn on. But then I had an amazing relationship moment, one I know was prompted by Craig's resolution to be a better boyfriend and help me out around the condo more, when he said, "Oh well let's split the bill and just buy a new one together after work today." I let out a breath of fresh air and the anxiety wave passed. Whew...It was going to be okay and I will have help. =)

Let's just say for the record that a 30 minute commute is super long without a cup of coffee. Especially the first day back of the new year. I recently received a promotion at my lil marketing analyst position I've now have held for almost 3 years. It has taken me out of my "Avoid my co-workers" bubble and it's been difficult. Today, I was cringing every time an email popped up, but alas the email I'm dreading did not come yet. Promotions come with extra work but damn during the holidays it made my job crazy town. I...hmmm...finding a happy medium with work is still an on-going battle...definitely something I'm going to constructively work on in 2014!

I think everyone was too busy worrying about Winter Storm Hercules to do real work today. It's very nerve-wracking to pass by windows and not look out to see if it's starting to snow or not. Surprisingly so far there isn't a lot of snow so far, but it's coming. My boss gave me the okay to work from home and I think I will definitely be using that get out of jail free card! 

Tomorrow will be a brand new day to start fresh AND there will be fresh coffee too! =) 

Edward Scissorhands, 1990

Hello 2014 - Happy New Year!

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"Honestly, I want to see you be brave..."

"Brave" - lyrics by Sara Bareilles

Hello 2014!! I'm so excited to start the new year and return to my little corner of the world. 2013...Well...it literally whisked right by me and I didn't have enough time to catch it. I wish I could say it was a character development year for me...but alas it was not. I fell apart at the seams and scrambled to collect the pieces. I'm slowly putting the stuffing back into place and eager to put my best foot forward for this new adventure. That's what this year is going to be. Character Development, Adventure, Excitement, Bravery, and Happiness. Yeah, I like how that sounds! =)

New Year's Eve wound up being a quiet little night with my boyfriend Craig and me leaving a party to watch the ball drop at home in our lil studio condo alone with our kitties. It was perfect. There was no place I'd rather be. We clanged my wine glass full of champagne & his red solo cup of champagne and cheered to this new year! It didn't dawn on me that I didn't have any champagne flutes but it was so us and that's all that matters. Oh and yes there were burritos! Yummy Yummy Burritos!! =)

I have the usual new year's resolutions but this, yes this will be the year they will be accomplishments not just hopes and pipes dreams. Maybe because it's an even numbered year that I'm more motivated? Not sure, but I just feel it deep in my bones that this will be a year of true change and true moving forward. I feel ready to take it all on. 

In addition to my life, I've been doing some planning on how to make this lil blog something I'm very proud of and happy to be a part of everyday. Like I said, this will be a year of character development for me and I can't wait to share that with all of you. I will be bringing back some of my favorites from the past...for example my "Living Together" series. It will be a year in February that Craig and I have lived together. I can't believe it! =) 

For now, I'm going to go work on my Day 1 entry for my Five Year memory book I purchased at Anthropologie last week. I purchased the Mr. Boddington Studio Every Day - A Five Year Memory Book. Five years...Wow. I hope I don't lose it. I have this gut feeling the next 5 years are going to be very important and I don't want to miss a moment of it! =) 

Happy New Year, Stay Warm & Much love!

- Chloe

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52 Lists: Week 21 - List Your Favorite Songs

Uh..Me circa 2006 or 2007??

Old Myspace profile pic and yes that's a guitar hero guitar and angel wings and yeah I have no idea why I was so mad & yes I'm in my old roomate's bathroom! She had the best lighting. =P

Today I'm back on the wagon for MOOREASEAL's 52 List Project and by far this will be my favorite list. List your Favorite Songs. This is like asking me my favorite movie. I get anxious because I feel bad if I leave something out that literally changed my life. Without music I don't know how I would've gotten through some really rough days in college, some dreary days in the office, and definitely some breakups. I am utterly grateful in more ways than I can describe. 

 Someone's favorite songs are gateways to their inner souls I think. When your head involuntarily nods to the beat or when your that place over your heart cinches because the lyrics tugged on your heartstrings...you can't put up a mask and hide your love for it. It's there and it can let someone know the real you. 

Source - Week 21 - Favorites Song - Mooreaseal

Hmm...What are my favorites...

"California Dreaming" - by The Mamas & The Papas

"Don't Speak" by No Doubt

"Pin & Needles" by The Birthday Massacre

"Will you Still Love you Me Tomorrow" - The Shirelles

"Help I'm Alive" by Metric

"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains

"Satellite" by Guster

"At Last" by Etta James

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

"You were Meant for Me" by Jewel

"Black Sheep" by Metric

"Helena" by My Chemical Romance

"Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy

"Everything I do, I do it For you" - Bryan Adams

"Stay" by Lisa Loeb

"Lips like Morphine" - by Kill Hannah

"Peacemaker" by Green Day

"Fools Rush In" - Elvis

"Restless Heart Syndrome" by Green Day

"Time is Running Out" by Muse

"Bring me to Life" by Evanescence

"Doll Parts" by Hole

"Going Under" by Evanescence

"Violet" by Hole

"Mine" by Taylor Swift

"I'm Sorry" by Jem

"Sweet about me" - Gabriella Cilmi

"Bitch" - by Meredith Brooks

"If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow

"Looking Glass" by The Birthday Massacre

"Last Night on Earth" by Green Day

"I Would Do Anything for Love" - Meatloaf

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler

"I Got You Babe"  by Sonny & Cher

"You Don't Own Me" by Leslie Gore

"Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang

"Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

"Take On Me" by Aha

"Not Your Fault" by AWOLNATION

"Harden my Heart" by Quarterflash

"Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benetar

"Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse

"One Headlight" by The Wallflowers

"I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for a Cutie

"I'll be There" by The Spice Girls

"Love Like Winter" by AFI

"Zombie" by The Cranberries

"Building a Mystery" by Sarah Mclachlan

"Gone Away" by The Offspring

"Let's Live for the Day" by The Grass Roots

How do you know how to stop a list that could go on forever? Each song up there is laced with a memory for me and even though some of them maybe raw as hell they are still my favorites.  =)

"Maybe you will always be just a little out of reach..." - Guster, "Satellite"

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SONGS? 

I'd love to hear...

Penny For Thought - What Does it Feel Like?

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The vows, the kiss, the party, the dancing, the wacky photo booth pictures, the wedding night, the honeymoon, & the bliss...

Well I have to ask: 

"What Does it Feel like? 

What does it feel like to be Married?" 

My reason for asking is that I recently had dinner with my best friend who just got married, almost 2 months ago and I asked her that very question. She kinda shrugged and said,

"It's kinda like a Birthday. I don't really feel different." 

I was taken aback a little bit by this response. I know the world isn't a romantic comedy every day but I imagine your supposed to feel different. She continued to say that she might really feel like she's married when her husband and her buy their first home or have their first kid. Currently when they got married she moved in with her him & they are living with her husband's grandmother but still? Shouldn't you feel it?

I also recently saw the married couple who got married in November and I asked the same question to the bride. She did the same shrug thing and said she didn't feel much different but somehow I understood it more from her because they lived together before they got married...Then she said she can't stand her husband snoring. I had to laugh.

Then there is my cousin and his wife. They've been married a little over a year and are having their first child and they feel like they've been married for 10 years. I asked Carol "What does it feel like to be married?" and to make a long 45 minute lunch short she said it's a lot of work, it's being there for one another, it's stress, it's a whole new opinion of sex aka they are having a child soon, it's love, it's planning, it's fighting, it's understanding. But then she smiled and reached out to grab my cousin's hand to which he smiled back at her and grasped her hand tight.

I wonder how I will feel after infamous dip kiss I crave so much one day. I wonder...

If your married, What does it feel like? Or have been married...

Curiosity killed the cat, and I'm definitely curious. Guilty as charged.

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Living Together: A Zippered Dress & An Ironed Suit...

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This past weekend it has been 4 months since Craig and I moved into my apartment and it has been the biggest & the greatest change in my entire life. I am crazy happy that we made this decision and it has taught me so much more about love that I almost feel like I was blind before. I've read article after article about love, saying it's the "little things" that your partner does for you engenders this love and it is so much more than love notes, kisses, snuggling, gifts, etc...so much more.

This past Memorial day weekend I had a wedding to go to in Virginia for one of Craig's best friend's from high school. I had never been to Virginia & only knew some of Craig's friends so I was hyperaware of EVERYTHING. Not on defense, just hyperaware of my new surroundings. Being away from the condo, our small living quarters, I got to really see our relationship out in the world sorta speak of new people and didn't realize the visible strength after 3 years Craig and I have. 

In a rush of panic, Craig was inspecting his suit and realized it was wrinkled everywhere. I picked up the hotel ironing board in my half zippered dress and turned on the iron. Craig remarked, "I've never ironed anything...have you?" I kissed him softly and then took the wrinkled suit from his hands and ironed it into an immaculate suit ready for any photoshoot (Thank you Home Ec in 7th grade). He was shocked I knew how to iron and when I bent over to iron his last bit of pant leg, Craig took a hold of my dress's back zipper, lifting my curly hair up, and finished zipping my dress. I smiled and I guess being a bundle of emotion for a few weeks I almost wanted to cry from happiness. I held up his pants to him and he giddily put them on and kissed me. He said to me, "I knew I was supposed to meet you. I knew you were the right choice. I don't know what I would do without you, baby."

 This lil moment may not seem much, but Craig made me feel complete too. I felt the love in such simple actions. When his friend was saying his wedding vows, Craig took my hand and squeezed it and mouthed, "I love you." We slow danced to every old fashioned love song, the DJ played. I cried happy tears when the last song that played was "At last". Craig thought I was just drunk, but I honestly was crying because I was happy. I feel like at last I found true love. I totally had to fix my eye liner and mascara but it was worth it. =)

I watched the couples around me and saw so many of these little things too. The couple next to us was eating and the lady didn't even realize her napkin had fallen off her lap, her boyfriend did and picked it up and replaced it tenderly on her lap. She didn't even notice but I caught his eye and he said to me, "It's the little things huh?". He looked at his girlfriend with such love and it was beautiful. I smiled and gave him a hug because he was right. 

Craig and me - May 26th 2013 

Ironically the wedding fell on May 26th and it was also the 3 year anniversary of our first date! Three years...Wow...time does fly! =)

Until Tomorrow...

A Bundle of Emotion...

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Hi Everyone, It's Chloe and somehow in the past month of May, I got lost. I got lost in my own emotion, my own head. I didn't mean to fall off the face of the blogging world, but it was hard for me to put the words down on the page. I found myself up against the wall and just broke down. I knew it was coming, I could feel it in my daily life peering over my shoulder, waiting to overcome me. I let the depression take me and I'm happy I'm pulling myself back up.

My emotions were scattered everywhere. Friends I shut the door on have been trying to get back into my life and I don't know if I can forgive and let them back. The stress of going to wedding after wedding after wedding of people who have been together less time than my relationship honestly hit me hard after my best friend got married, who met her boyfriend a month after I met my boyfriend. I know there is no race but I crumbled under pressure. My job hit a point where it got boring...awkwardly and gruelingly boring, but I'm scared to push forward and look at new things when the future is so uncertain for my boyfriend's job due to a recent merger of companies. I went to the gym day after day just seeing the scale go up and up and facing a barricade of tiredness when I tried to push harder. I feel like it's my old Epstein Bar rearing it's ugly head again. A part of your 20's-30's is seeing your loved ones grow older and there has been a lot family pulling here and there over my grandparents in Connecticut. I love them so much, but my grandmother's dementia is getting worse and my grandpa can't walk anymore. It's a part of life, but it's very hard, very hard. And finding the motivation to keep on writing my stories...

~Taking it one day at a time~  

When you fall the only place to go is back up. I bought myself a yoga mat to exercise in the mornings, I promised myself I would write a little of my stories every day, I would wait patiently for the next few months to unfold with Craig's job, and try to not compare myself to others who are living completely different lives than me. I'm getting to make cupcakes for my cousin's wife's baby shower and I can't wait to dust off the ole icing bag, I've been trying to make new friends, and thinking positively on every turn. It's working =)!

I miss my lists, I miss my living together series, and my weight loss progress...Regular scheduled programing will resume ASAP on Ergo!

 Stay Tuned! =)